What Could Happen?

He looks into my eyes and my breathing stops, silencing my silly rambling. His eyes, being so intense, I became confused and unable to breathe. I focused on the bridge between his glasses, and breathed in slowly, feeling a little hitch as he moved closer. I looked back in his eyes, realizing he’s doing this because he loves me.

I bite my lip and look away, fear flashing through me. He makes a small noise, and I look back at him. He is no longer facing me.

“Eugene,” I whispered, studying his profile next to me.

He looks at me, his eyes betraying how much pain he’s in. I look down briefly not knowing what to do next and saw his hand near me, resting on the ground. His hand slightly tanned compared to the white cement we’re sitting on. I reached out and touched the tips of his fingers slightly. My heart sputtering with fear and hope. I look up at him. My eyes meeting his hesitantly.

“Eugene,” I whispered again, then with my voice increasing in pitch I say. “I’m not sure about this ending. I don’t know what will happen, I don’t know if this is worth it, I don’t know-” I stop speaking for he was looking at me again with that intense look. Making me forget everything, except the fact of how his hand is now covering mine.

He leans closer bringing his other hand to my face.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m sure everything will be perfect”

Afraid

I’m afraid.

I’m afraid that I’ll never see you again.

I’m afraid that we won’t have these moments.

I’m afraid that we will have these moments.

I’m afraid that we won’t be the same people.

I’m afraid of not liking you afterwards.

I’m afraid of holding your hand.

I’m afraid of looking into your eyes.

I’m afraid of missing something if I don’t.

I’m afraid of telling you that I do.

I’m afraid…

Of the fact that I fell in love.

I Would Do It Over

Oh god,

I seriously didn’t mean it.

I’d take back every action.

I’d reverse time and start it over.

I can’t blame it on ignorance.

I can’t blame it on being naïve.

I knew all along.

Yet, I didn’t think it’ll go this far.

I didn’t think this through.

I didn’t think it’d hurt you.

I didn’t think I’d do it.

I didn’t put into consideration,

That you would be like this.

That I would ended up breaking your heart.

That I would fall in love with someone else.

But really what I can’t believe,

Is how I can’t love someone like you.

Shortstory2

I paced.

The outcome of everything lasted on so little. I glared at the envelope sitting unopened on my desk, looking so pristine. It kinda was ridiculous, knowing just some words on paper would affect me so. Yet, because it was from him I was worried what was in such an innocent looking envelope.

 I shouldn’t have wrote those words. I should have never sent that letter. The words I was about to read, will mean everything. Though what if he wrote what I didn’t want him to? What if he wrote words that will tear out my heart, and burn at my soul?

I glanced at my reflection, fear was so prominent on my face, I couldn’t see the hope that felt exploding in my stomach. It seemed almost as if hope was the same as fear.

 Then suddenly as if a robot took over my actions, I lunged for the letter, ripping open the envelope.  Then everything slowed down. I slowly and carefully took out the letter as if it could break.

 I stared at it.

 I didn’t dare unfold it. In my hands the whiteness of the paper seemed to mock me as I tried to decide if it was good news or bad. If it’s bad… wouldn’t it be heavy? With lots of explanations of why and apologizing? Though what if it’s like college acceptance letters? Where they just dash all your hopes in just a few simple words.

I took a deep breath and held it. It’s either now or never. I unfolded the letter letting go of my pent-up breath.

And I read.

Short Story 1

I felt his hands through my hair. I looked up at him curious about the sudden touch. He smiled down at me, his brown eyes making my heartbeat a little faster.

“Hi” I whispered.

“Hi” He whispered back, and then looked past me, over my head. I looked, wondering what took his attention away. I felt him snatch his hands back, and I sighed as I watched him go up to his ex.

Even if she hurt him, even if he got me, he still treats her as if she is everything. As a condition, I can’t hate her. I can’t hate the girl he still loves.  Though she does have this uncanny ability of showing up at the perfect couple moments, that makes me wish she could die by too much oxygen.

I glared at her as she flipped her blond hair back and leered at me. She then smiled sweetly and hugged him. I crossed my arms waiting for them to separate. A minute pass, almost two, when I finally cleared my throat. He stepped away, looking at me in blushing guilt.

His ex did another flip of her head, making the light catch her hair. “I was wondering if you guys would like to go to a party this weekend” I noticed how she just looked at him. He turned slightly towards me to get my opinion but she stopped him by taking his arm. “Please Andy? This party is very important to me. Ya’ know? It’s to celebrate graduation, I would like everyone to be there.”

Andy scratched the back of his neck in doubt. “Uh… I don’t know Leigh… Me and-”

Leigh cut him off “Please? It’ll be the last chance to have all my friends together… It’ll mean the world to me! Aw, come on Andy! Your plans couldn’t be as exciting as this party could be.”

Andy dropped his hand from his neck and I knew right away he’ll say… “I’ll think about it”

Leigh squealed in delight and gave him a loud kiss on the cheek because she knows, as well as I know, that he said yes. She gave me one last leer in my direction and left.

Andy finally turned around and looked at me, his head bowed a bit in guilt but I could see the way he glowed a bit at the invitation.  I rolled my eyes at him, “Okay tell me.. How are we going to make it to the party when we’ve been planning to visit colleges together this weekend?”

He gets closer to hug me, but I step back and cross my arms. An uneasy silence hung over us, as he studied my expression.  I felt that he was weighing his options about what was more important, and we could both tell that this moment would be a turning point in our relationship.

He looked in my eyes, and I felt my heart jerk unhappily, as I read the guilt from his eyes. “I don’t know” He whispered.

At that, I had to walk away. “I’m going to do what we were planing. If you wanna go to the party, don’t show up, but if not.. my house at 8. Just like we planned.” I said turning away not wanting to let him see me burst into tears.

~~~~~~~~~

I beg you not to..

Don’t do this.

Don’t pull me into this.

I don’t want this.

Not now.

Not ever.

Must you need me?

Why me?

Why not someone else?

You can’t make me want this,

Not with you.

Especially not with you.

Please don’t make me.

I’ll be miserable.

You’ll be miserable.

I beg you.

Don’t.

I’ve tried.

I just can’t love someone like you.

Who are you?

Who are you?

How did you come in uninvited?

There wasn’t a key that needed to be found.

There wasn’t a threshold nor window to enter by.

Who are you to trespass?

Who are you to do this to me?

You have no right,

You have no privileges.

I don’t love you,

 I don’t need you.

Who are you?

How can you inflict this pain 

and make me so confused?

Who are you to me?

And how did you get the permission 

to enter and leave my heart at will?