Theres a bone chilling exhaustion.
That appears now when you speak.
Are you lying to me now?
I have to ask myself over and over.
Honestly I should just get up and go.
I’m so tired though.
I don’t have the will to leave.
Why does this exhaustion brings me back to just blindly trusting you?
I can feel your eyes on me.
I turned away.
I can’t answer your questioning, lost, confused eyes.
I know why I stopped short from running into your arms.
I just don’t want to break your heart.
My lost love, I married someone else.
This land we are standing in, no longer has the hope of us anymore.
The tree with so many fond memories at its base, has been cut down.
I look quickly at your face, focusing over your left shoulder.
With tears welling into my eyes, I start to speak…..
Trickling between my fingers,
Falling in little heaps at my feet.
Such tiny grands sticking to my hand.
And how it sticks to your memories,
And fly right on by without resistants.
What differs between the two..
You can wash the sand away,
But not the memories of time.
It’s going through the customs again.
It has baggage.
It has its i.d.
It’s standing in line waiting to be admitted in.
Tell me there more road blocks,
Tell me there are more obstacles,
Just please tell me it won’t be admitted in.
I don’t want it right now.
Can it just come back later?
Reschedule this admittance it has.
It could ruin everything,
my life even.
Tell it to come back later.
Send the guards.
Send the dogs.
Make it feel unwanted.
Perhaps then it’ll go away.
What can stop love from coming?
Don’t promise me.
You won’t do it.
You didn’t before
And that time there wasn’t,
Promises falling off your tongue.
Falling so effortlessly now.
You’ve done this before.
Please don’t even think of those words.
Stop talking before they fall out.
I really don’t want to hear them.
I can’t acknowledge them.
Not after what happened.
Don’t promise me,
That you’ll see me soon,
That you’re a new you,
You won’t ever keep them.
I’m being pulled in again.
Into the shark tank.
I don’t want another round of:
Overly Analyzed Moments.
Being eaten in that shark tank labeled love,
Is so not worth it.
No safety net.
I got pulled in myself.
I let myself fall.
He certainly won’t be around.
I’m sure I’ll be eaten.
It clouds my vision.
Makes me see things not there.
Assumptions are made
And wild conclusions are drawn.
In the end…
I ended up breaking your heart.
I didn’t mean any of those words.
Do you really have to go?
Please come back.
Anger doesn’t have to break two hearts.