Repeats

Fear of the repeats.

Of pain, of insecurities, of fear.

Fear of the unknown.

Fear of the yelling, slamming of doors, of someone crying.

Fear of the anger that shockingly just brings more crying.

Fear of the hurt.

Fear of differences.

It keeps us inside, not really wanting to leave.

Knowing the safety of staying within.

Trying to have courage.

Yet, even that seems small and fragile.

Nothing to help it grow.

Just an endless, unceasing fear.

Of repeats.

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He doesn’t

He doesn’t

Love you,

Think you’re beautiful.

You know this, don’t you?

You know he’s simply using you.

Wants you only for his pleasure.

Yet you’re still with him.

Still playing a foolish game.

Are you aware of his rules?

Do you know when he’ll stop?

Or are you thinking that if this goes by longer he’ll finally fall in love with you?

Stupid girl.

Breaking your own heart with every pasting moment.

Let go of him.

Now.

Gone

I can feel it already.

You’re gone, far away.

How can you not?

How can you promise to see me?

Yet, never show up?

What is wrong with me that’s keeping you away?

If you like me at all you would show up.

Maybe not there, but here.

And yet, you’re gone.

Should I say goodbye?

Being Numb To You

I can’t feel anything for you.

Jealously is out.

Not even a bit of love is left.

Can’t seem to pity you either.

Am I happy that you’re around?

Well, you aren’t around so I can’t even feel that.

Do you deserve anymore then this numbness?

No, you don’t even deserve this thought, this waste of my creative ability.

Don’t even deserve me trying to show you how happy I am without you.

What you’ve done is so harsh.

I can’t even feel sad about what was before.

Are you happy at what you’ve done?

Being numb to you, has made you  a stranger to me.

Now What?

What should I do now?

Go through my day like nothing happened?

Like you did?

I can’t do that.

I’m no you.

I can’t do one thing one day and come back jumping the next.

To just forget, to just be with you.

How much I would just love to turn back that clock.

We had something great!

It was beautiful.

Then you went and screwed it up!

Oh, to be in love with you again….

Since I’m not,

Now what?